IN THE NAME OF POLITICS

I’ll be straight with you guys, I don’t like politics. I don’t even like politicians. The whole bunch of them. Bloated stomachs, fat wallets, sticky fingers…the whole package. Everything about politics abhors me to the bone marrow. I don’t watch local news because of politics, I watch because of Lilian Muli’s overgrowing weave and Janet Mbugua’s rapidly growing hips. And perhaps to see who else Van Gaal is shipping in to avert the looming Manchester United crisis.

 

Look at what politics has done to our country;

Neighbors slaughtering neighbors over tribal and opinion differences? Politics!

Doctor and teacher demonstrations over peanut salaries? Politics!

Student demonstrations over increased school fee? Politics!

Immorality in the society? Politics!

 

Don’t even give me that look of disapproval; we all saw the pictures of outspoken Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko and Nairobi Women Representative Rachel Shebesh supposed romance. The two were again involved in a fight at the Parliament buildings where the former allegedly slapped the latter because, apparently, she was revealing camp secrets to an ‘enemy’. Then came the infamous “Aiyayayayaya Kidero you slapped me?” outburst at City Hall. Kidero, who is the Nairobi Governor (but of course we all know that), defended himself saying the Women Representative had grabbed (or was it hit?) his crotch. Yes, these are our leaders. Our role models. Our politicians. And that, my friends, is politics for you.

 

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This Man, Jomo Erick

 

So, presently,  I admit I was a little bowled over when I got a call from one Jomo Erick (a JKUAT Student’s Union Organization Candidate for the seat of Chairman) telling me he’d read my post on the Mr. and Miss JKUAT affair and was impressed by my writing. Now normally, when you get compliments like these, your first instinct is to say “Thank you”. And so I did. But in this world of linguistics, you can never really discern a fake compliment from a real one. Some people actually think you’re good at what you do, but some, on the other hand, just don’t have the balls to say to your face how horrible you are with the pen. And so they hide behind sheepish compliments, keeping the wolfish ones buried deep inside of them. But who doesn’t love a compliment? All that matters is at least you read the work. Aye?

 

Anyway, so Mr. Jomo Erick invited me to a meeting to discuss the possibility of having me on board as a contributing writer to his soon to be launched online journal, to which, by the way, am inviting everyone who reads this post, sometime within September. Gigs are a big plus for every solitary writer out here. It helps you mature your writing, besides putting food on your table. Get me right here, am just as crooked as the next guy. But I have principles. Morals, even. I didn’t agree to attend that meeting to put pen to paper on a fat bank account. I heeded the call just so to observe the man. To see how he conducted himself. Was he one of these selfish ignorant buffoons parading themselves as candidates we’ve become so accustomed to? What were his lines of thought? What was his perception of student leadership? Was he a leader, a servant of the people? Or was he a LEADER, a ruler of the people? If he gave the answers I sought, then we would talk. And if it’s any help, we didn’t even have that discussion about money so, technically, am not being paid a cent to write this piece. Yet. Am just saying.

 

Don’t get me twisted people, if I don’t like you, I just don’t like you. If I don’t agree with you, you can drag your cheesy opinions down your throat as far as am concerned. That’s just the Son of Were for you. Loud SONU Chairman, Mr. Babu Owino, could hit me up today for a job offer and before he names his price, I’d bang down that phone with a ‘Shove it up you’re a**’ attitude. One, because the guy is an open crook. We’re not discussing that. Two, because I don’t share any of his ideologies. And three because a late-twenties year old light-skinned bloke from the lakeside with an archeological name like Babu who has an exclusive access to an invites only house party by a man of William Kabogo’s stature and rides a Hyundai Tuscani to lectures sparks nothing but eyebrows. His business is none of mine but it’s still debatable. Oh, and hey, someone tell the guy that “obnoxious, cantankerous and obliterate” all mean the same thing goddamnit!

 

Meanwhile, I attended the meeting and found the humble lad just as he was getting off another meeting with D.B Katana, Mr. JKUAT 2014. The first thing I notice about Jomo Erick is his carefree nature. You expect a politician to shake your hand formally amidst rehearsed introductions. At least at a meeting. But not Jomo. He went the youthful way, striking his palms hard against mine as the thumbs twitched a little bit and the shoulders knocked. Alongside him was the Director of the project; the vivacious Nicholas Wambua, a.k.a Justice Nic, a man who expresses his opinions with not as much as a single hoot in the whole universe. I say this because he also doubles up as my Class Representative and I can’t tell you that he’s everyone’s best friend but this is one bloke who sticks to his guns no matter what anyone else says.

 

So we exchange a few little pleasantries before the duo fill me up on the whole concept of the journal. Basically, the journal is supposed to cover everything that goes on around campus. JKUAT- Main Campus, to be precise. From the staggering drunkards along Gate C at midnight on Fridays, the campaign trails within the school, the humongous plates of African stew at F-Class, the thirst at Hall 6, the staggering number of beauties in the school, all the way down to the ratchetness at house parties. The journal will cover it all, and bring it up to you from the comfort of your phone at no costs whatsoever. Okay, it’ll probably drain you of one or two MBs but you get the point. All you have to do, on a free day, is log into www.jomoerick.com and read your brains through.

 

The journal is a brainchild of Jomo Erick himself. And NO, it’s not a campaign platform. It’s an information-based platform. I mean, how selfless can a leader get? I’ve heard of probably 5 or more candidates vying for that seat of JKUSO Chairman. Only difference is, while the rest are still busy promising the students heaven and earth when they get into office, Jomo Erick has taken it upon himself to provide the school with an online based platform for providing the students with information on various issues facing and affecting them. And the most selfless thing about this act is that he’s doing it all from his own pockets with absolutely no sponsorship from the administration.

 

As it stands now, to an elite mind, this election is a one-man affair. All these other candidates making unnecessary noise on the JKUAT-JKUSO Facebook page need to step up their game if this race is to get any interesting. I rest my case.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, Jomo Erick…JKUSO Chairman Candidate 2014:

 

 

 

And the official journal launch poster: