Harve Spectert


Have you noticed how law scholars walk into a room and suddenly it’s like everything’s about them and nothing else? How they strut the floors with one hand in their sore pockets and the other swinging freely beside them like abandoned windmills. How they keep their heads held toweringly high like ostriches got nothing on them. As if they were the most intelligent of beings this side of the equator. Like they were molded with Gold carats sticking up their ass.


Let’s call him Harry. Clad in his grey three-thousand-shilling Eastleigh suit possibly fitted to preference by some small time tailor in the heart of town, which you can clearly tell was a miserably soiled attempt at a Harvey Specter look, with just a tiny bit of finesse to make him stand out from a mediocre crowd. You’d be forgiven for thinking he has barely two pairs, those suits. His shoes look more like spears than they do footwear. They are those old school sharp shooters that would make you file for anal rape if you were kicked in the butt with them. They make Katt Williams look like a fashion icon.


Harry has a huge gadget he walks around with, in the name of a phone. It’s always in plain sight, never hidden, as if to make sure it’s seen by anyone who cares [which is basically everyone]. It will be in some flip cover that he can totally spread wide across your face, just in case you missed it the first time. He will unlock it and swipe on the screen [at nothing in particular] like he’s closing the biggest deal of his life. When it finally manages to ring, the ringtone will probably go something like Salute Me by Octopizzo or Chamillionaire’s “They see me rolling/ They hating”. These chaps don’t know the first thing about good music. They will bump to anything that glorifies themselves, and downgrades others. They live in some kind of twisted fantasy where they are gods, and everyone else is below them. Just staring up at their butt-cracks.


A normal human being should make a woman feel like the Queen on the first date. And tell her all those things Sauti Sol brainwash our ladies with. How wamekaliwa chapatti and all that other bunkum Romeo whispers to Juliet’s ear in Shakespearean productions.


But Law students will approach a lady and make it sound like she will have done herself a huge favor by falling for his banal charms. Take Harry for instance, his introduction is always in just half a dozen crisp clean words;


“Harry. Law. THE University Of Nairobi!”


After that he always expects the mami to follow him back to his crib and bang his eyes out of their sockets like they been married ten years.


I'm Specter


Notice how he says “Law”, like it was all too obvious. Like those of us pursuing other interests are just but wasting our precious seconds and our old folks’ dough in campus. We might as well drop out now and start polishing those stupid shoes for a living.


“THE” University Of Nairobi. Like it’s the Biblical Promised Land. Soaked to the skin in bread, milk and butter for all and sundry. Like it’s a kingdom of its own down there. Made up of kings and queens, and their subjects. Son, some of us trim our hair at barbershops that charge 300 bob on the hour. And we don’t even receive HELB. Terwa uru moss!


And they always think they know everything about politics and the country at large. Any opposing argument is always met with a swift, “I’m a Lawyer kiddo. I know.”




Those arrogant ducks.


Nothing makes me sicker [besides Octo’s insistence on rapping] than being caught up in the middle of a conversation between two or more law students. The way these chaps address their colleagues; Learned friends. Shit makes one sound like the earth rotates around his nose and the sun sets on his chin. They will always find a way to infuse some law-related terms somewhere within the dialogue, even when it’s totally unnecessary. Especially when it’s totally unnecessary. Just to make you look like a complete fool. That ‘Amicus Curiae’ mumbo-jumbo. Lingua has always striked me as something that was invented by some drunk man taking a dump behind a liquor den in Bar Mathonye. Probably an Omondi. Because am an Omondi. And I could write a whole dictionary of new words when under the influence.


Look here law students, calm your tits. You are not gods. Your shit does not stink of strawberry and your walking styles are not half as smooth as Denzel Washington’s. You will never be Harvey Specter. And Vioja Mahakamani is as real as the courtroom will ever get for you. Let Hollywood not fool you. So get a hang of that cocky shmuck y’all always put on your faces and be real with yourself for just a second. You do not rule these streets.


Know People.


P.S: This was nothing personal.


  1. So… sharp shooters and large phones… suits… approaching ladies… how sexist of you to presume that only men are “law scholars”… And your sample of law students was taken from what percentage of the population. Lol! This is funny… Very subjective but you have pretty creative insults. 😀

  2. Hahaha dude if you couldn’t make it to Law School, THE University of Nairobi, like some of us did, don’t start insulting us.

  3. desperation and lack attention can make cockroaches lift their diqs n ounanis uuup…get so work buddy koz u jas suffering from joblessness….

  4. he heee…if only you had interacted with one law student..bila kujicatchisha feelings..you wouldn’t have made such an ignorant mistake like presuming that all kenyan law students are dudes[male]..dont you think it says alot as apartains your motivattion to write this?..then for generalising what you are pursuing.. eti..#other enterests…ha ha haa…..boss hiyo ni gani ama ni ya nairobi aviation..#not personal either.

  5. As a learned friend, I respect the fact that the constitution gives you freedom of expression. Nice flow of ideas, it was good until the point where you started to release the bile. That watered down the whole arguement you had built. You are a good writer and you got nice humour but there is something lacking…not sure if it is salt.
    You just need to relax and know that it is never that serious.

  6. Wether the story holds water or not(probably the later) I loved the creativity. Good writer but motive is open to discussion.

  7. Great creativity right there busy..and not all law students are cocky as you assume, some are chilled out than you can imagine, nay, most actually are…and they know, it’s not pretence, I kid you not. Harvey Specter? I would think that they are above Hollywood drama series, seriously. In fact I’d say that they are the icing on the cake( read society) but I won’t lest you squirm in your sack and chew off your fingers, so I won’t.

  8. Good piece ‘n’ great creativity.However, you get it all wrong when you disrepute the wider law students.My fellow learned friends will concur that you are indeed out of order.
    However,positive criticism is accepted.

  9. That you feel privileged at getting Ksh. 300 haircuts tells a lot. Pray tell how that makes you different from that Harry who seems to irk you? Hatutatulia juu unanyoa na 300. Smh. Plus you not receiving any HELB COULD be a pointer to your inferior intellectual abilities #justsaying, nothing personal.
    Interesting piece all the same.

  10. This article in as much as its got some degree of truth to it,i find it sexist,unfairly inaccurate and actuated by malice and bitterness stemming from the hollow depths of personal despise jealousy that you have against your male lawyer friends so it is utterly hypocrytical that you claim to represent other interests..u clearly need female lawyer friends in your life..having said that,save the 300 bobs and pay for a law degree someday..

  11. Ian, hehe, that sounds like a driving school student who has 300 ego trip a day and wants to stick it to Lawyers….get your shit together and stop hating others for your not-being a lawyer!

  12. I like your piece, of course to the extent of its validity & as far as am concerned, your arguments are prejudiced, motivated by anger & disappointment, lack intellectual empathy & therefore wholly invalid. Face your fears head on my brother.
    Good writing skills, keep up the spirit, but in case of any action of libel in future, feel free to contact ‘Harvey Specter’ for legal advice.

  13. There goes the hater, perhaps a bitter guy who missed on Law on many cluster points and could not even make it to The University….. dude, enjoy your sociology at that small village college of your, nothing personal though

  14. Ogova. Architecture. I have a few friends doing law. Very, very down-to-earth people who I find particularly refreshing to speak with. Now, whoever you are clearly taking this out on, maybe get a phone and call them to iron out your ignorance before airing it on the internet. Just saying.

  15. You are lucky that I spent my precious time reading your good-for-nothing blog.

    I will reserve my comments for a more involving intellectual discourse.

    All the best with your 300-bob-barber-shop career

  16. I am about to do the hardest thing right here people. Reply. You see guys, there is nothing quite as difficult as treading through murk and bollocks in an attempt to redress the pettiness of misguided reason.
    I shall do it nonetheless. I shall do it.
    Personally I’ve noticed how lawyers walk into a room and suddenly everything changes and becomes about them. And I only expect that every other lawyer or training lawyer has. Every other person… not so much. We cant all be lawyers so the rest of you must take a cue and play your role in society. Which basically involves making everything about us. Everything is about us. Do not be mistaken. Your envy, your complaints, your posts,your secret thoughts, your social discussions. Even your girlfriends. Because while you discuss our egos, our fashion… our lives, we are busy making money and getting learned.
    It is encoded in our egos to make the best attempts at finesse and being suave. That is what makes us lawyers. That’s what makes us (so clearly) different. While we are crazy over image and impressions, the rest of you are are just plain crazy. I could care less if a law scholar wore a 200shilling suit. The more important thing to be noted is that he feels the urge to be in a suit. Because lawyers must look as good as it gets. It borders on intellectual sterility to imagine that any law scholar dressed up is to pull Harvey Spectre look. Which side of the equator do you live in? We need to send you more lawyers then you will realise it is not us trying to pull a Harvey Specter look. The character “Harvey Specter” tries to pose like a lawyer. Not the other way round son.
    Honestly, I must admit, we do live in a sick twisted fantasy where we are gods and everyone else is below us. Except it is not sick and i is not twisted. We are gods and you mortals must stare at our butt cracks for the continued sake of world . Think about it. Why would you want to stare at our faces when you can barely understand what is coming from our celestial lips. Why son, why? Stare at the butt crack. For someone who speaks as much shit as yourself, I assure you there is enough similar response coming from that side of our body.
    And when an done with this post I expect a lady to come home with me and bang my eyes out of my sockets. Its a bit difficult treating someone like a queen when fact and evidence do not justify such treatment. That is how we reason. We are lawyers. Not liars.

    I would want to pretend what the rest of you do concerns us lawyers. It really doesn’t. In fact the only reason you think all of us are equal is because that is what we wrote for you in the constitution we wrote for you. And that is why we say “law ” like its obvious. Kiddo.

    Yes kiddo, we are lawyers. We know. We know everything about everything that matters. Law, politics ,looking good. What we don’t know however, and what seem you seem to have a crisp understanding of is barber joints that charge 300 on the hour. Very cheap kiddo. Oh, and of course the name of that place you think we dig our Latin. Whatever you called it. Matho…. I don’t know, only you do. So go on ahead and write a whole dictionary of new words to impress the ordinary folk around your hood . We will stick to our 4000 year old Latin while addressing each other.

    Now you look here kiddo, am a lawyer so am right and you are wrong. Always.

    Know lawyers.

  17. I was hiring last year and the levels of misplaced self-entitlement among some of these law graduates is apalling. Some chap lost an opportunity due to this…nyenyekea bwana akutumie bana!

  18. I cant blame the boy. I blame the Chief of his Village for failing to tell him THE University, iPad, Law, Nairobi, have always been used in the same sentence… Good Piece Though but Next Time, Respect Your Intellectual Elders, as it were……

  19. Am a Law Student at Kenyatta University butnice writing i have to acknowledge your relatively nicegrasp of grammar…dont try and pulla Njoki Chegebecause you dont have the audience to put across your anachronisticeffrontery, moreso your article does not suffice credible writing but keep trying one day in thenear future if you put your ideas across in a pragmatic manner you may get the ammount of attention you so desire.Learn to differentiate ego and pride…Adios amigos

  20. I salute your writing skills and creativity. However, i would like You to know That despite being lawyers or Law students, we have Our personalities, which are not necessarily defined by what we take. Do not blâme us. Blâme the society. It Is the one That has set the standards for us sio high, and we have no option but to live upto the same.

  21. Stacy.Law.Kenyatta University.

    Liked your piece.
    Don’t agree with it at all but I was entertained…
    Can’t wait for the one about ladies in law school.

    Hopefully one day Kenyans will brag about how much they spend on the less fortunate instead of how money they spend on themselves Nyoa na 200/- alafu hiyo 100/- help out a Kenyan sleeping hungry… comrades need it, street families need it.

    Otherwise, keep writing, you’re obviously talented, obviously using controversy to get more readers… keep doing it.

  22. I am not a law student tho almost enrolling for one.but I always find it refreshing to converse with lawyers n Psychiatrist..they are characterised rational n open reason n different perspectives since evry occurence is unique to its circumstance..the levels of open mindedness are admirable..i wonder y the guy would spend tym being bitter.what informs his sentiments.be relevant address the issue insulting only makes you appear intimidated..if it gets to you that ppl blow up their egos..why not blow yours too?.sm ppl are Vibrant.and.its a live n let live world..where freedom is two way.with room to be wrong ..y is your attention grasped by their actions?..n in wat capacity are you criticizing?..So wat do u suggest..lawyers,to stop feeling great ?Y are you affected by their thought of you as small being if thats not hu yo really are?..y does it get to you?.or is it a case of hurting truth?..Should evryone live by your script n idea of what ought to be?..you have so many options other than to get intimidated.try feeling great too but rem evn the animal kingdom all animals ain equal..Mwituni pia miti haitoshani urefu.take up your rightful place..blow your ego.if that will take away bitternes n discontent in you..theres no glass ceiling..

  23. ………If asked my comment I can tell you that Law is the most boring and non creative discipline that I have ever known, why should one waste four years in “THE university” (which I am also from by the way), so as to spend the rest of his life bragging about 4000 year old latin english and suits and Phone (Which clearly those of us pursuing “other interests” can also afford by way).
    I mean it does not make any sense at all, what significance does law have to the society? making land grabbers walk free??…….Talk of contributing to the world, apart from boring laws (Which are created to make life miserable anyway) what other things does law offer? suits and phones and egos?…It would be more logical if engineers, doctors, scientists, researchers and people of science would brag because after all they research, innovate n create gadgets that make life more better (and of which lawyers depend on so as to brag) ….
    Anyone who feels offended by my comments feel free to insult (I don’t give a shit anyway)
    nice day!

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