Harve Spectert


Have you noticed how law scholars walk into a room and suddenly it’s like everything’s about them and nothing else? How they strut the floors with one hand in their sore pockets and the other swinging freely beside them like abandoned windmills. How they keep their heads held toweringly high like ostriches got nothing on them. As if they were the most intelligent of beings this side of the equator. Like they were molded with Gold carats sticking up their ass.


Let’s call him Harry. Clad in his grey three-thousand-shilling Eastleigh suit possibly fitted to preference by some small time tailor in the heart of town, which you can clearly tell was a miserably soiled attempt at a Harvey Specter look, with just a tiny bit of finesse to make him stand out from a mediocre crowd. You’d be forgiven for thinking he has barely two pairs, those suits. His shoes look more like spears than they do footwear. They are those old school sharp shooters that would make you file for anal rape if you were kicked in the butt with them. They make Katt Williams look like a fashion icon.


Harry has a huge gadget he walks around with, in the name of a phone. It’s always in plain sight, never hidden, as if to make sure it’s seen by anyone who cares [which is basically everyone]. It will be in some flip cover that he can totally spread wide across your face, just in case you missed it the first time. He will unlock it and swipe on the screen [at nothing in particular] like he’s closing the biggest deal of his life. When it finally manages to ring, the ringtone will probably go something like Salute Me by Octopizzo or Chamillionaire’s “They see me rolling/ They hating”. These chaps don’t know the first thing about good music. They will bump to anything that glorifies themselves, and downgrades others. They live in some kind of twisted fantasy where they are gods, and everyone else is below them. Just staring up at their butt-cracks.


A normal human being should make a woman feel like the Queen on the first date. And tell her all those things Sauti Sol brainwash our ladies with. How wamekaliwa chapatti and all that other bunkum Romeo whispers to Juliet’s ear in Shakespearean productions.


But Law students will approach a lady and make it sound like she will have done herself a huge favor by falling for his banal charms. Take Harry for instance, his introduction is always in just half a dozen crisp clean words;


“Harry. Law. THE University Of Nairobi!”


After that he always expects the mami to follow him back to his crib and bang his eyes out of their sockets like they been married ten years.


I'm Specter


Notice how he says “Law”, like it was all too obvious. Like those of us pursuing other interests are just but wasting our precious seconds and our old folks’ dough in campus. We might as well drop out now and start polishing those stupid shoes for a living.


“THE” University Of Nairobi. Like it’s the Biblical Promised Land. Soaked to the skin in bread, milk and butter for all and sundry. Like it’s a kingdom of its own down there. Made up of kings and queens, and their subjects. Son, some of us trim our hair at barbershops that charge 300 bob on the hour. And we don’t even receive HELB. Terwa uru moss!


And they always think they know everything about politics and the country at large. Any opposing argument is always met with a swift, “I’m a Lawyer kiddo. I know.”




Those arrogant ducks.


Nothing makes me sicker [besides Octo’s insistence on rapping] than being caught up in the middle of a conversation between two or more law students. The way these chaps address their colleagues; Learned friends. Shit makes one sound like the earth rotates around his nose and the sun sets on his chin. They will always find a way to infuse some law-related terms somewhere within the dialogue, even when it’s totally unnecessary. Especially when it’s totally unnecessary. Just to make you look like a complete fool. That ‘Amicus Curiae’ mumbo-jumbo. Lingua has always striked me as something that was invented by some drunk man taking a dump behind a liquor den in Bar Mathonye. Probably an Omondi. Because am an Omondi. And I could write a whole dictionary of new words when under the influence.


Look here law students, calm your tits. You are not gods. Your shit does not stink of strawberry and your walking styles are not half as smooth as Denzel Washington’s. You will never be Harvey Specter. And Vioja Mahakamani is as real as the courtroom will ever get for you. Let Hollywood not fool you. So get a hang of that cocky shmuck y’all always put on your faces and be real with yourself for just a second. You do not rule these streets.


Know People.


P.S: This was nothing personal.


  1. strut on law student strut on…!!!!!! you have to exude the confidence from law school. That kind of Harvey Specter finesse doesn’t come in a day. Fake it until you make it—– this feels like positive negativity.

  2. So am not alone on this observation. Law Students always act as if that the shit, yet some of us are in more complex professions. I actually dont see why/how a person who’s job is to stand up and argue the whole day act like they gods yet there are those(actuaries and engineers) that do mathematics(which lawyers dread) the whole day.

  3. Yea you need to walk with your head held up high as a lawyer, it is a sign of confidence. That you are taught in law school.

    Those gadgets come in handy, no one will trust you with huge sums of money if you are clutching onto a kabambe. You attract who you portray yourself as.

    About the introduction, well I think that is taking it too far, but you can do that, just in case they have a problem to be solved, but not as a way of starting vibe. It’s a no-no. so cocky.

    • I know businessmen who use Kabambes and still mint millions of shillings. And they dont even have to introduce themselves when they walk into a meeting, you’ll just know they’ve arrived.

  4. The audacity!!!!! But like a wise man once said fools will always attack/condem someone/something just becoz they dont understand it!!!

  5. Whoa, someone has problems dealing with diverse personalities. Hahahahaha, lol. It’s a funny article though.

  6. haha that was really funny and a direct attack at lawyers, I’d love to see retaliation from a blogging lawyer to make another good read

  7. You’ll need a lawyer someday my friend. Those ostriches with misplaced egos. Being a lawyer comes with alot of rep ergo the need to show respect.

  8. I am a lawyer and I don’t dread mathematics or any discipline, I could whoop your ass on that any day,I studied law out of choice not because I dreaded anything but I must say I love how the rest of you are all bitching,its my motivation

  9. Not a bad article. At least it has come all the way to Nigeria to whip up the same sentiments.
    I’m a lawyer and I heard that all my school days. You can’t take that away from us. If you think its easy come and be a lawyer, and you’ll know what it takes to be learned.

  10. I’m a law student at UoN and I find those douche bags annoying AF. If I hear someone say “Comrade power” one more fucking time…
    One perk of it though is that I can make up words and claim it’s Latin. Boom. #winning

  11. hahah I feel like im failing to live up to these standards
    *swiftly changes ringtone to Riding Dirty*
    Really funny article

  12. Proud to be a lawyer mahne. Being a lawyer, it comes from deep within. Only us understand us and speaking in our technical jargons, you might say it’s being stupid but if you never understand the latino in it, just know it’s our modus operandi. We must walk with our heads up high, the Harvey Specter finesse even though fake coz that’s what will ever make you stand out in whatsoever way. Fake it until you make it. Or you think studying 54 different units of law is a joke??

  13. the time you took to find this out….is self evident that you gat real interest in learned friends. they win your attention and recognition. It ain’t easy to be a learned friend… wait until one day when you will be coiled in the court dock and that high ego lawyer is busy working out your vindication…… anyway “Abusus non tollit usum” am proud to be a law student

    • Law students are trained to be smart, bold, confident and proud of their profession. A whole unit on Professional Ethics talks of dress codes and professional conduct in a bid to uphold the integrity of the profession. Aggresiveness and discipline is an additional layer to the toast for a successful career in the field. If your course requires anything contrary to this, then that gives you a reason to worry or be jealous because anything opposed to that not a profession, it is an avocation.

  14. i never thought there is a male Njoki Chege. Ian controversial and hateful blogs are lame, you need to develop your writing to a more intellectual discourse that creates knowledge that can actually halp society. Njoki Chege fame wont help you.

  15. Funny article. However ignorant it may be. What laymen fail to understand is that the dress code is prescribed by court. It is not a choice or a way to brag. I’m a lawyer and my i phone is just the standard size. It is not big.

  16. LMAO. res ipsa loquitur. Anyway as my conveyancing lecturer once said, ‘They will despise us, they may even hate us but they will always need us.’

  17. Hehehe I don’t consider this an attack. I am in law school and 99% of what you said was right. Be that as it may I’d like to call your attention to a few things my good sir or whatever you’d prefer to be called. Doesn’t it strike you that most of them act like that? You think it’s choice? Naah….it’s what we learn and read. Heck I even recall my professor asserting grandiloquently (lol, that was totally unecessary…oh well i’m in law school) that the law profession apart from being a calling is designed for people with a golden heart. I will not talk about the wooden ones. Secondly you notice law is close to governance and is the only profession to ever throw up the most leaders. You know why? Because THIS IS LAW. Talking is our trade. We’re taught to talk and talk fine. Rant all you want. It’s not going to change. I have the utmost respect for other professions but I wouldn’t even think of joining them what with their lackadaisical nature which comes assorted with unparalleled ennui and which in the long run militates against creativity. Diss the suits all you want (our profession demands we wear them, only don’t insist on them being cheap. Take notice that it is a question of context and degree. I for one don’t wear anything in the caricature of a suit below 100$. The gadgets? Oh well buy yourself an iPhone and chill out (I presume IT experts should be on the forefront).

    I noticed you are embracing some cheap wannabe depraved African American street lingo.Lol. Give it up. You have a point but your’e lacing it with some low intellectual energy.

    Don’t get it twisted doe. Lol. I know all you said is true and cannot and should not even with the slightest conjecture and innuendo be painted as false (was all that necessary? Again I’m a lawyer). It just won’t help with anything much.

    But again….IT’S ONLY MY OPINION. Did I have to give it? Hell yeah. Why? LAW SCHOOL.

    Aseteri mos.

    Cheers mate

  18. This is a poorly scripted post. Your incompetence in writing is matched by your pitiful attempt at disdaining lawyers. Try joining law school it might help in your writing career.

  19. Haha the dude has beef.
    My advice to the Niggah is to up his game. When you are down, you are down. Accept it, change it. Don’t hate.

    Fuck off & get a life.
    Law school is the best place to be.
    You should join, just to eliminate your ignorance in your little oblangata haha.

    Pumbavu, mjinga, bure kabisa.

    Yours truly

    OG LE Jnr

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